Some Honest Truths About Being in a Long Distance Relationship

For the past my boyfriend and myself have being in a long distance relationship whilst he jetted off to live in sunny California (the lucky bugger). Whilst it has not been plain sailing, and we have had a few problems, I feel that I have learnt a lot about each other and really learnt how to work together.

To be honest I was terrified before he left as I had no idea of what it would be like or what would happen. He is currently back in the UK (although albeit the other side of the country) and, although I am no expert, I thought I would share a couple of things.

So for those of your thinking about getting in to a long distance relationship, here are some honest truths which I wish I would have known before getting in one...

1. Lets face it, you are NOT in a relationship...
A long distance relationship is not really a relationship per say; it is a promise. A promise to support each other and wait for a time when you can be together, whether that will be in a couple of weeks, months or years. It is a promise for a future not present.

2. There is a 99 per cent chance you will be tired... most of the time
Just because you are in a long distance relationship, it does not mean you do not have to go to work or do your university assignments. Life goes on and you have to adapt your "relationship" to suit your schedule. Whether that means burning the candle at both ends to work around the 8 hour time difference and get up to go to work in the morning; so be it. But you will be tired nonetheless.

3. You will be jealous of the people your other half spends most of their time with
Whilst you are stuck a home and your other half is visiting the Hollywood sign and doing other amazing one in a lifetime things with their new best buds; you will be jealous. However, whilst you might miss their company and want to do these things with them, it does not mean that you should just hide in your room and be a hermit. You should do things and go places that make you happy with your friends. You can always arrange an awesome holiday and do these things with them then!

4. Talking on Skype can get boring... pretty fast!
Talking on Skype alone is not what a long distance relationship should consist of. You will need to get creative because, lets face it, you can only ask how their day was or what they had for breakfast so many times.

Just because you are halfway across the world, it does not mean you have to stop doing what you previously enjoyed doing together. Watching television shows or movies on Netflix over Skype is a great way to spend time together and talk about things without feeling pressurised to make conversation. It is always a good idea to alternate between your choice of film and theirs, so both of your tastes in films are indulged. Similarly, preparing a list of bizarre or personal questions to ask your other half is a great way to learn about one another and make you feel closer. This is guaranteed to leave you smiling for the rest of the day :-)

5. You will have to make sacrifices
Whether it is staying up late or using your wages to travel around the world so you get to see each other; you will make sacrifices. However it is important to remember that your other half makes sacrifices too, even if they do not make it obvious. But never, ever, ever hold it against the other person because if you love them; it does not matter.

6. You will appreciate the time you do get to some together
Whether you are slobbing out watching Netflix under your duvet, or visiting family, the time you do get to spend together is precious and is often something you will look forward to for weeks. I mean you actually get time to spend with them! Not texting them on your phone or Skype's, let's face it, poor quality version of them. It is really them!

But do not fall into the trap...

You will try and plan every second of your time together to do the "coupley" things normal couples get to do like going to big events such as parties and visiting friends. Sometimes these events can completely take up your time together. However, like every relationship, long distance relationships cannot survive on big events alone and you need to incorporate downtime to allow you to spend quality time to get to know each other. This is perfectly described by Rich Santos in his Marie Claire article A Theory On Why Long Distance Relationships Don't Work where he suggests The Downtime-Crisis Theory. His theories are very interesting!

7. You will miss arguing about normal things
Fed up about arguing about whose turn it is to pick the TV programme? Try arguing about whose turn it is to travel half way round the world or about stupid little things like why they kept you waiting all evening for your Skype chat or why they cancelled last minute for your weekly Skype date. The distance will make you frustrated and on edge, so even the smallest thing gets on your nerves and sets you off. However, it is important to remember not to over-react and take it out on the other person - it is not their fault and their life is not centered around you. If you find yourself getting angry at the other person, take a 10 minute break to calm down, remember that you love them and that the only reason you are getting annoyed is because of the distance.

8. Despite the arguments, when shit hits the fan; you will be stronger than ever
Whilst you might argue 50 per cent of the time, when things go wrong; you will find that you will both work together as a team to figure things out and make sure you are both okay. Being in a long distance relationship may be rubbish and hard, but it will make you, as a couple, stronger than ever. If you can both survive this, you can probably survive anything.

9. There is no I in Team

No matter what - you have to stay as a team. It will be hard and you will get frustrated as you want to do this and that when you want and sometimes you just will not be able to. However will probably be the same for the other person too and if there is one person you need on your side when you are at your lowest - it is them. So taking it out on them will not really do you any good! You will have highs and you will have lows and they are intensified by the distance but the most important thing is to believe in the other person and in you as a couple and keep that team spirit alive.

10. It is not easy to stick to the rules

Most of the the time, it will be hard but manageable. However, no one is perfect and it is easy to forget all of the above things. But if you keep your eye on your goal, being back together, you will both help each other through it!

By Emily Keens and Ryan Jackson